How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
