I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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