just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
