the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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