My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
