I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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