Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
