My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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