i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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