lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
