she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
