Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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