So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
someone owes me an orgasm
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
