I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
