He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
