we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
