at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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