She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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