She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
