this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
