I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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