Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
