so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
