Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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