I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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