the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
