Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
