i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
