I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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