What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
