whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
