sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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