the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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