he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
