4 words: hood of his car
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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