and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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