I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
