Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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