Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
