God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
