these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
