White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
