I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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