I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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