I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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