Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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