Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
