She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
