Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
