What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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