thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
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Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
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How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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