Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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