guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
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She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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