Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
