I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
