omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
