I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
