fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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