What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
