Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
