Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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