how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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