if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
