There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize