So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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