Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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