boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just googled if crying burns calories
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
