Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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