so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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